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Sunday, January 1, 2017

37 Survivors Of The Year 2016

 1.   Dick Van Dyke






He's been alive this whole time!  Seriously!

2.   Jimmy Carter





Hard to believe!

3.   Betty White


Wait, is that a baby lemur?

4.   Lynda Carter


I was going to put her on the other list, but no!  She's been alive the whole time!

5.   Jonathan Taylor Thomas


He may have taken the blue pill, but he's still alive!

6.    Ruth Bader Ginsburg



The notorious RBG survived 2016.   4 more years left to go.

7.   Morgan Freeman


He's getting up there.  You'd think this would be low-hanging fruit for 2016.

8.   James Earl Jones



I thought he died right after Lion King.  I was going to put him on the other list.   Nope!

9.   Joyce Carol Oates



Still alive!  Unbelievable.

10.   Hallie Eisenberg



Remember the time Pepsi Girl died tragically in 2003?  Me neither!

11.   MacCaulay Culkin



Ok, you already knew he was still alive because of Saved, probably.  You would've been kind of sad though right?

12.   Jaleel White



Alive and looking better than ever.  He's all like, "Survive 2016 - did I do that?"

13.   Paul McCartney



His singing voice went to crap decades ago, but he's a good guy, and by all measures, 2016 should have killed him.

14.   Chico





This bastard is 16 years old.  In dog years, he's basically an archlich.  Mancha, only 14 years old, also made it.

15.   Bernie Sanders


Hell yeah!

16. and 17.   Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen


2016 couldn't take down either of these old guys no matter how much Millenials adore them?  Pathetic!

18.   Malala Yousafzai



Survived a bullet.  Survived 2016.

19.   Rick Moranis


More like "Honey, I had to shrink my acting commitments to raise kids by myself after you died," amirite?

20.   Mel Brooks



Alive, but not getting any younger, Mel Brooks needs to stop dragging his feet on that Spaceballs sequel.  Maybe guilt Rick Moranis into getting into the studio sooner rather than later.

21.   John Williams



Hiding in plain sight!  His new riffs just aren't as catchy as his old stuff I guess.


22.   Julie Andrews



 Also alive.  I had no idea.

 23.   "Sully" Sullenberger




Landed a plane in the freaking ocean and no one died.  2016 couldn't bring him down, either.

24.   Stephen Hawking

 
Close, but no cigar.  Points for trying, 2016.

 25.   Whoopi Goldberg
 


Whoopi Goldberg hasn't even missed a beat, let alone died.

26.   Haley Joel Osment

 
Off the radar but not dead, this kid saw all the dead people of 2016.

27.   Kathy Bates


Hello.  My name is Kathy Bates, and I'm doing fine, thank you.

28.   Buzz Aldrin


The shirt says it all.

29.   Elizabeth Warren


These banks aren't going to regulate themselves, clearly.

30.   John Shelby Spong


I don't often have genuine respect for religious points of view, but when I do, it's usually coming from an Episcopal.

31.   Jonathan Goldsmith


The Most Interesting Man In The World may have been retired from his role in 2016, but not from the mortal coil.

32.   Grumpy Cat


Make it so, Grumpy Cat.

33.   Ringo Starr



Ringo Starr survived 2016 too, not that anyone cares.  I'm just padding the list, I guess.  He's shown above looking like he's auditioning for U2 or something.

34. and 35.   Herbie Hancock and Wayne Shorter


These contemporaries of Coltrane and Davis are still here and still playing.  But Wayne is noodling around with Free Jazz a little too much these days.

36.   Carole King


It's not Too Late, Baby, to hear Carole King in concert, so you really should try to make it.

37.   Mancha


You're an old dog, Mancha, but not as old as Chico.